


stumbling

by diminishedmercury



Series: SNBM & RRYN AU [4]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Achilles' Heel, F/M, Past Abuse Mention, mercury and feelings don't mix, mercury is growing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diminishedmercury/pseuds/diminishedmercury
Summary: Was he supposed to pretend he was a normal teenager with a normal crush on his normal teammate? Was he supposed to ignore all the alarms that screeched in his head every time he would come close to letting down a few more walls for her? Probably. That was what a mentally well person would do, but he was Mercury and he couldn’t let go of the defenses that had kept him alive this long.He wishes he felt these things for Weiss. It would be easier to accept. Weiss was Weiss and she was everything to him— everything except his wife.
Relationships: Mercury Black/Pyrrha Nikos (Implied)
Series: SNBM & RRYN AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1511165
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	stumbling

It’s hard for him to truly  _ feel  _ something. The world is colored in shades of greys, blacks, and whites, in the metaphorical and literal sense for Mercury. It’s why he clings so tightly to his relationship with Weiss. It’s still not easy to feel things with her, but she makes it easier. She doesn’t push. She doesn’t  _ force  _ him to feel things. She lets him take his own pace. She lets him feel as little or as much as he wants to.

He’s starting to feel as if Pyrrha might be the same way and it was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. Of course, it had been terrifying in the beginning with Weiss as well, but they’ve had seven years together— he’s grown used to her consideration. Pyrrha’s was unprecedented. It was a dangerous factor that he hadn’t accounted for. He doesn’t trust her as much as he  _ does  _ and it was a conflicting set of emotions that he still didn’t even know  _ how  _ to feel. Was he supposed to pretend he was a normal teenager with a normal crush on his normal teammate? Was he supposed to ignore all the alarms that screeched in his head every time he would come close to letting down a few more walls for her? Probably. That was what a mentally well person would do, but he was  _ Mercury  _ and he couldn’t let go of the defenses that had kept him alive this long.

He wishes he felt these things for Weiss. It would be easier to accept. Weiss was  _ Weiss  _ and she was everything to him— everything except his wife. They’d shared every first in the book together. First crushes. First kisses. First  _ twinkies  _ for Brothers’ sake! So why couldn’t  _ she  _ just be his first love and make shit easier on him?

“Why can’t I just love you?” He asks that night when he and Weiss have snuck their way on the roof to watch the stars together. She raises a brow at him, an unimpressed look on her face.

“Geez Mercury, you sure know how to make a girl feel special,” She rolls her eyes and he doesn’t expect her to continue. “For the record, I love  _ you  _ very much.”

“That’s not what I meant, asshole,” It’s his turn to roll his eyes.

“Oh, I know. I know  _ everything _ , remember? Including that you love me too.” He knows she’s just pushing for him to say it back now and this conversation will never get anywhere until he does.

“Fine, Weiss Schnee, I love you so much and I’m going to profess my undying love to you in front of the entire academy at breakfast tomorrow. That better?” His voice drips with all the sarcasm in the world, fixing her with a look that could only read as ‘ _ really? _ ’

“Much!” She giggles. He forgets how much he likes the sound of it sometimes. She doesn’t do it often enough. “Is this about your little crush on Pyrrha, though?” He takes back every good thing he’s ever said or thought about her— she was the Devil. She was the Devil and she was going to kill him just putting shit like that out into the universe for it to bite him in the ass.

“Might be.” He settles on saying and he can tell that she knows she’s getting under his skin. There was no use in denying it at this point if he was so obvious that she had figured it out. “Just you know?”

She shrugs. “Probably. I just know you, Mercury. You aren’t like that with anyone other than me. You’re…  _ nicer  _ to her.” Nicer probably was the best word for it. He wasn’t exactly kind to anyone, not even Weiss, but he did try to adjust his behavior for her (and now, Pyrrha too) when he felt like it. He was bothered to realize that ‘ _ when he felt like it _ ’ was starting to become more often than not. “Listen… you told me not too long ago that I’ve always talked about wanting to be better than my father. I think this is  _ your  _ chance to be better than  _ your  _ father. You don’t have to let him control you anymore.” Coming from anybody else, he would have felt unbridled rage at that comment. It would have been first instinct to try and deny this fact, but it was just that. It was a fact. Marcus’ abuse left scars on Mercury’s body that went deeper than the surface, scars the bleed beneath the skin and festered on what was left of his soul.

He feels tired when he can finally think of something to say in response to that. “Do I deserve this?”

“You, more than anyone else I know, deserve  _ much  _ more than this.” Her tone is gentle and she lays her head on her shoulder after she says it. It leaves a deep frown on his lips. Something swirls in his heart, something he can’t quite identify, and he feels wet paths trek down the mountains of his cheeks. “You deserve love, Mercury, even if it’s not with me. I’m not the only good person in your life now.”

“ _ Do I?”  _ He asks again and he can hear the break in his voice. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like feeling so weak and vulnerable, but it’s Weiss and he’s allowed to be hurt with her. “I’m dirty and used. I’ve  _ killed  _ people.  _ Do I _ deserve love?”

“Used…” She repeats the word with more than a little sadness tinting her voice. Her hands hover above his thighs, looking up for permission. When he grants it, her hands gently cup the space where metal and flesh connect and he can’t stop the shiver that involuntarily runs up his spine. “He took…  _ so much  _ from you Mercury. But he will  _ never  _ take away your right to be cared for. Not even when I’m dead.” He can feel the care in her touch. Her fingers dance across his thighs, around the circlet of his ports that hold his legs to his body. “Let me help you take these off tonight. I’ll even send Pyrrha and Blake away.”

He takes a deep breath. “Take Blake to team RRYN. I… want to ask Pyrrha to help.” Weiss frowns. She looks concerned for a moment.

“Do you want me to come back after?”

“No.” He wants to prove to himself that Pyrrha can be one of his good people. He wants to prove to himself that he’s deserving of her attention. He doesn’t know if he can do it with an audience— even with someone as special as Weiss watching.

Weiss smiles and it feels like someone is finally proud of him for something in his life.


End file.
